I was casually listening to a sermon online, while doing some other stuff, when I heard the Pastor connect what he’d been speaking about to his own grief after losing his spouse. This always gets my attention. When someone has experienced a close loss, I always tune in to see what I can glean from their experience with grief. Anyway, his wife had also passed away from cancer, so that always connects my heart a little more, but he said something that resonated with me so strongly. He said that since his wife has passed he now feels like he’s living on the edge of two worlds. When I heard him say it, I looked at Chad and said “That’s it! That’s what we’re feeling!”
We can’t un-see what we’ve seen. We can’t ever go back to only thinking about the worldly, earthly, and temporary-not when such a big piece of our hearts has stepped across the threshold and now resides in the eternal. Honestly, I don’t want to.
Sure, grief sometimes clouds my earthly day to day thoughts and makes things “muddy,” but thank God that “grieving with hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13) makes the important things eternally clear. You’ve probably heard me say, or I have expressed even here, I am weird now. Well, I’ve always been a little weird, but even more so now. I spiritualize everything. Is that good? Is that bad? I don’t really know, but I know that there’s new lenses that have been placed on my eyes and I don’t think I could ever take them off. I choose to see it as a gift that has come with a great loss. Everywhere I look I see that Jesus is the answer to every problem.
There are so many things in nature, that point to the eternal. God is such a creative God, but He also seems to love patterns and He loves to reveal more of himself to us in the ordinary, that’s not so ordinary, when we dissect the complexity of what’s actually in front of our face. I recently read the social media post (please note, I haven’t done a lot of research) about YWHW, which is the Hebrew name of God, being encoded in our DNA. This may be old news?…I’m a little slow…Whether this is verified or not, the more we learn about science, the more we are unlocking the mystery of our Creator. That’s one reason why cancer is so evil. It’s an attack on a person’s DNA, which was created and written by God Himself. The enemy may have access here in this broken realm, but one day He no longer will.
Thank God that Jesus came and defeated death. Thank God that He’s promised and foretold to us through scripture that a New Earth is coming and until then-we get to be with Him in Heaven. Thank God that I see in my spirit-and in the eyes of my heart, our Sarah, surrounded by so many other’s that we love that have also gone before us. They’re in the most perfect place possible. I fully believe that the business of heaven is about Jesus and we know that He is in the business of restoring and redeeming all that is broken and lost.
So, I’ll reside here…in-between these worlds for as long as He allows. I’m determined to be a part of the business of heaven as much as possible though. It’s the only thing that offers any sort of fulfillment for my grieving heart. You’ll just have to put up with my weirdness. Lol!