Grief has a way of interrupting so many things in my life. So excuse me, for not always making my thoughts flow well and with clarity. You see, my brain is still sometimes foggy and my memory is terrible-except for the stuff that I want to forget, but I can’t. I have no concept of “real time.”
Oh September, how I despise you now. Once, you represented a beautiful season of life to me, but now I dread seeing you on my calendar. Once you were a month full of back to school routines, Labor Day fun, fall festival planning, and anniversary trips. Now, the sense of dread I feel as you approach makes my stomach turn in knots.
I was able to collect some beautiful seashells on a recent trip to Florida. I started out looking for the perfect shells and then sensed God telling me to pick up the broken ones…they’re beautiful too. I needed that reminder. Sometimes I miss the old me. The person I was before Sarah’s diagnosis of cancer. Continue reading “The New Me”
Within the context of time, its April 8th and we are celebrating your birthday. I can’t help but wonder how those “dates” are marked in heaven, where time is so different?
When you’re grieving for someone that you lived with–someone who was part of your “normal” every day living, for a while it clouds every aspect of living. It’s as if you go through the motions, but the “inner” you is watching life go on– all the while screaming “This isn’t right!…None of this is normalContinue reading “Sausage Burrito”
It’s shocking and heartbreaking to see so many families hurting and I can’t help but contemplate the effects of grief on our current society. Realizing that everyone’s grief journey is different, I do think there are a few things that I have learned on my own journey that I’d like to share.
Some days I just can’t-
look at your pictures,
listen to your voice,
hold your things,
hear your songs…
Life goes on, but my heart still hurts. We knew that after the hard past couple of years, that we needed to move forward and take a family trip. Usually family vacations are so fun to plan and there’s so much to look forward too, but when you’re grieving, even vacation planning looses it’s excitement. It becomes one of those things that you know is good for you, but you’re just not feeling it.
I’ve never considered myself to be an “artsy” type. The older I’ve gotten though, the more I value creating and practicing the arts. When I was growing up, my love for sports always came before piano practice. My artwork was always considered average by the art teacher, and I never won a coloring contest or had my picture chosen to represent anything extraordinary. That’s ok. I think early on, I realized that doing something artsy, was more of a blessing for myself than for others.
The tears came and that’s ok. I needed to let them out. I’m healing, but I’m not healed. Mother’s Day was a reminder that I won’t get what my heart truly longs for until we’re ALL together in heaven.