It’s shocking and heartbreaking to see so many families hurting and I can’t help but contemplate the effects of grief on our current society. Realizing that everyone’s grief journey is different, I do think there are a few things that I have learned on my own journey that I’d like to share.
Some days I just can’t-
look at your pictures,
listen to your voice,
hold your things,
hear your songs…
I’ve been feeling quiet in my spirit. I know it’s because I’m processing so many things all at once: it’s almost been one year since Sarah’s death, trying to parent and support a 14 year old who is also dealing with grief and so much change,
Life goes on, but my heart still hurts. We knew that after the hard past couple of years, that we needed to move forward and take a family trip. Usually family vacations are so fun to plan and there’s so much to look forward too, but when you’re grieving, even vacation planning looses it’s excitement. It becomes one of those things that you know is good for you, but you’re just not feeling it.
Tomorrow is your birthday. Such a special day to us and always celebrated, but this year it feels so different. I still want and need to celebrate you, but there is such a cloud of grief still hanging over my head because I just ache to be near you… to hear your laugh, see your smile, and look into your eyes. What I wouldn’t give to hug you! That cloud lifts at times and I’m able to feel the warmth of the sun. It’s helping.
When strong emotions catch me off guard, it still surprises me. I’m not sure why. I know it’s expected with grief. I guess it’s because I like to think that I know how I’m doing and I try very hard not to put myself into a situation that I feel like I won’t handle well.
When do you make a promise? When you do, is it something that you take lightly or does it carry weight? For me personally, when I make a promise, it’s significant. A promise is something that is usually held for a special moment of building confidence or trust into something that another person may deem as uncertain, or insecure.
Valentine’s Day looked a lot different again this year. It was way better than last year for all of us, including Sarah.
Some times words flow in a journal, in a blog, or form themselves into an attempt at a poem, or even a song.