It’s shocking and heartbreaking to see so many families hurting and I can’t help but contemplate the effects of grief on our current society. Realizing that everyone’s grief journey is different, I do think there are a few things that I have learned on my own journey that I’d like to share.
Some days I just can’t-
look at your pictures,
listen to your voice,
hold your things,
hear your songs…
I’ve been feeling quiet in my spirit. I know it’s because I’m processing so many things all at once: it’s almost been one year since Sarah’s death, trying to parent and support a 14 year old who is also dealing with grief and so much change,
Life goes on, but my heart still hurts. We knew that after the hard past couple of years, that we needed to move forward and take a family trip. Usually family vacations are so fun to plan and there’s so much to look forward too, but when you’re grieving, even vacation planning looses it’s excitement. It becomes one of those things that you know is good for you, but you’re just not feeling it.
I’ve never considered myself to be an “artsy” type. The older I’ve gotten though, the more I value creating and practicing the arts. When I was growing up, my love for sports always came before piano practice. My artwork was always considered average by the art teacher, and I never won a coloring contest or had my picture chosen to represent anything extraordinary. That’s ok. I think early on, I realized that doing something artsy, was more of a blessing for myself than for others.
The tears came and that’s ok. I needed to let them out. I’m healing, but I’m not healed. Mother’s Day was a reminder that I won’t get what my heart truly longs for until we’re ALL together in heaven.
I know that I have been blessed, but my grief tells me otherwise and reminds me of all the things that have been taken away from me because she’s gone. We’ll never get to experience the joys of seeing her graduate, marry, have children, etc… the list could go on and on.
In the quiet
Dead on the inside
Still within my grief
You whisper to my broken heart…
When strong emotions catch me off guard, it still surprises me. I’m not sure why. I know it’s expected with grief. I guess it’s because I like to think that I know how I’m doing and I try very hard not to put myself into a situation that I feel like I won’t handle well.
When do you make a promise? When you do, is it something that you take lightly or does it carry weight? For me personally, when I make a promise, it’s significant. A promise is something that is usually held for a special moment of building confidence or trust into something that another person may deem as uncertain, or insecure.