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3 Years

What makes grieving so hard is that the pain never goes away.  I’m learning to live with the pain and grow around it, because it is the only way to have any sort of normal existence.  When Sarah’s heart stopped beating, the old me died too. I wonder when we get to heaven, do we…

On the Edge of Two Worlds

We can’t un-see what we’ve seen. We can’t ever go back to only thinking about the worldly, earthly, and temporary-not when such a big piece of our hearts has stepped across the threshold and now resides in the eternal. Honestly, I don’t want to.

18th Birthday

It’s your birthday.  If you were still here, you’d be 18-an official adult.  I’m thankful that currently it feels impossible to me that this is your 3rd birthday in heaven-that means time is moving quickly for us right now.  Believe me, there’s been season’s where the days feel so long without you. 

Rebuilding

Since we started GLOW Like Sarah and especially “Fire & Music” nights, I’ve been having a different dream for our front lot.  I’ve been seeing a barn.  Not just any barn, but one that glows and is filled with the sound of music and people, not animals.  A place that feels warm, inviting and safe.…

Preparing to Let Go

To my friends who have recently lost or are preparing to lose their children…my heart is hurting for you.  This is not a time for platitudes and my words may mean nothing during this traumatic time and that’s ok.  I certainly am not the expert in how to prepare for such a loss.  I’ve walked…

Numb

Grief has a way of interrupting so many things in my life.  So excuse me, for not always making my thoughts flow well and with clarity.  You see, my brain is still sometimes foggy and my memory is terrible-except for the stuff that I want to forget, but I can’t.  I have no concept of…

September

Oh September, how I despise you now.  Once, you represented a beautiful season of life to me, but now I dread seeing you on my calendar.  Once you were a month full of back to school routines, Labor Day fun, fall festival planning, and anniversary trips.  Now, the sense of dread I feel as you…

The New Me

I was able to collect some beautiful seashells on a recent trip to Florida. I started out looking for the perfect shells and then sensed God telling me to pick up the broken ones…they’re beautiful too. I needed that reminder. Sometimes I miss the old me.  The person I was before Sarah’s diagnosis of cancer. …

A Letter to Heaven

Within the context of time, its April 8th and we are celebrating your birthday. I can’t help but wonder how those “dates” are marked in heaven, where time is so different?

Sausage Burrito

When you’re grieving for someone that you lived with–someone who was part of your “normal” every day living, for a while it clouds every aspect of living. It’s as if you go through the motions, but the “inner” you is watching life go on– all the while screaming “This isn’t right!…None of this is normal…

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