18th Birthday

It’s your birthday.  If you were still here, you’d be 18. An official adult.  I’m thankful that currently it feels impossible to me that this is your 3rd birthday in heaven. That means time is moving quickly for us right now.  Believe me, there’s been season’s where the days feel so long without you.  I still end each day with the thought that we’re one day closer to heaven and seeing you again.  I wonder if you’ve aged in heaven?  

A lot has happened in 3 years and as I watch your fellow classmates prepare to graduate high school and decide what’s next for themselves. Many people from our community are missing you. They are finding the sweetest ways to include you, Josh & Jesse. Grief has hit our little community hard and especially your classmates. The reminder that life is short and to make your days count has never been clearer. I’m so proud of your friends for continuing to grow and seek out their own gifts and dreams and I know that you have inspired them and are cheering for them as they make their own mark on this world.

Many people have checked on me and have let me know how they’re thinking of me during these milestone moments that the rest of the kids are experiencing.  I’m grateful for their thoughts and prayers, and I can honestly tell them, I’m doing ok.  Sure, I miss you terribly, but I have learned to let go of the expectations that I had made for your life.  Jesus gently has taught me that what He has assigned to you in heaven is so much greater than anything here on earth.  I know you are thriving and everything that God destined you to be, without the hindrance of this imperfect world.

Easter is also this weekend.  Holidays are hard without you, but Easter means everything.  When I was first asked to sing at church Easter weekend and realized it would be on your birthday, I felt a small gut punch-but then I could almost imagine what you’d say to me…”Mom!  You have to sing.  Easter is the whole reason why you CAN sing!”  Singing always connects me to what is happening in heaven and when we get to bring glimpses of heaven to earth-there’s nothing better for me.  On top of it being Easter, and your birthday…I’ve been asked to lead one of your favorite songs “Ain’t No Grave.” It’s one of those anthem songs for that season of our lives.  I have so many memories of us singing this song at the top of our lungs to and from the hospital.  I can feel it in my bones, when I sing and declare the words.  It’s my prayer that the Holy Spirit moves in a deep way to remind or even give people-maybe for the first time, that same glimpse of His resurrection power that He so graciously wants to share with us. 

My sweet girl, I miss you and my heart is still broken every day, but somehow Jesus binds it up and breaths His life over me and reminds me of His promises and then He equips me to get up and keep going.  There’s still work to do. God is still writing His story and we are somehow a small part of how He’s revealing Himself and awakening hearts again to overcome all that the enemy is trying to destroy.  Spoiler alert-God wins!  His victory is our victory and you know what, I can totally see you doing your victory dance.

Happy Birthday, Sarah Rose.  I know our love still transcends all of time and space.  So, I send you my love and can’t wait to squeeze my arms around you again.