The thing about grieving is that there’s no way to prepare yourself for those moments of raw pain that blindsides you. I find myself trying to complete a simple task, when all of sudden I’ll see a glimpse of you, and it almost brings me to my knees. Like a trip to the deep freezer, where I see your favorite foods that I bought just for you and all the orange popsicles that you refused to eat; the juice in the fridge that you were craving; your shoes and jackets in the coat closet; your lip balms that I find everywhere, a piece of mail addressed to you, when I open the mailbox; a random text from the dentist reminding me that your way overdue for a visit. So many things surround me, that were part of you. How can these things bring me pain and comfort at the same time? I always think that if I just let the tears out, that’ll I’ll feel better when I’m done, but I don’t. They just sort of stop for a while, but they’re always there, just below the surface. I remind myself that your ok…better than ok. I know in time, I’ll find a way to deal with your stuff…maybe not all of it though. It feels like you. It smells like you. I find myself using you favorite lotion, just so I can smell like you.
Gosh, I miss you today. Maybe it’s the rain. I bet it doesn’t need to rain in heaven.
What about you? Is there an item or something of your loved ones, that brings you comfort? If you’re comfortable sharing, comment below.